Heart is sick...

Listening to Bowie in my room after lunch with Buddha and Noo at Lizards. I want to walk out to the lounge and punch Buddha in the face. He knows how I feel and yet he continues to make snide little remarks in front of my friends which make me look like an idiot. Fuck you champion of fuck all. You make me so irate and ashamed that I hope you move out and I never see you again. I'm taking my heart back and my pride. Fuck off!

Hilarious...

Have been reading the paper. The australian girl who was trying to sail unaided around the world at 16 collided with a cargo ship off the coast of Brisbane at 2am this morning. Cargo ship, what cargo ship? I can't stop giggling. Poor girl. Having the whole country in fits over your mishap can't be good for the self-esteem. Dust yourself off and try again. Hopefully next time you at least make it out of Australian waters before you have a collision. Thanks for the laugh!

Sammy the adventurer! And her yarns!

Went to Sam's this evening for some belated birthday cake. Sam is Kat's friend from Sydney and she is up here teaching. She was telling us about how she has to teach sex ed. All i could think about while she was talking was how awkward that would be. Talking to 13 year olds about the reproductive system, STI's and sex in general. Today's topic was Nocturnal Excretion i.e. wet dreams. Don't hold back NT Education Department. I can only remember Harold the toy giraffe and the Life Education Van in school. And I can't remember being taught about sex in any way. What a tough gig! 

The other reason we went over was to check out her new pad. And what a pad it is. Old Darwin style home encased in this Amazonian like yard. No windows in the Dining/ Lounge, just fly screen. You know what though, the house was amazingly cool. No sun on the roof would aide it greatly. Anyway I loved it. 

Alcohol intake for today is at a bare minimum- 1 glass of sauv blanc and 1 beer. 

Ashamedly I am listening to the Bee Gee's. x

4:45PM

Afternoon and air-conditioning. Still in pyjamas. I'm cooking fish fingers for dinner which I had brought for Jai and Luka. I really wish I lived closer. It was four days of fullness. 

Tori Amos- Boys for Pele is playing on the mac. I still know all the words. These tracks bring back so many memories. My sister and I singing Mr Zebra in the car is the most prominent, but it's strange how one album stores so much history. So many good and bad memories. It's exciting to think that what I listen to now will have the same fate in 10 years. 

I can't be bothered preparing my MC stuff for Katherine and Graham's wedding today. Sick of love songs. Or jealous perhaps. Shouldn't be doing it anyway in this mind set. Nobody wants a cynical prick speaking at their wedding. Going to eat fish fingers and reminisce about the weekend. x  

September Songs...

1. Fuck You- Lily Allen

2. Nowhere without you- Bob Evans

3. Welcome to Australia- David Hirschfeld

4. Bapa- Gurrumul

5. Never gonna give you up- Rick Astley

The build up to rain and the effect it's having on my brain...

It is so bloody hot. I feel like I cant escape it. The air is thick and heavy and beads of sweat fall from my brow with intent. I'm under my fan but everything feels ridiculously warm. 

I feel empty still. I had such a great weekend with the boys and Lisa, Belb and Nate that now it all just feels like a dream. I am struggling to come to terms with my emotions about Buddha and I feel like he is just breezing through this with not a care in the world. I hate that I like him so much. It makes me feel really vulnerable. A heavy heart is the result of not much smart. I tend to ignore him more and more so that my feelings, hopefully, will subside. 

I missed the plane yesterday. The very plane that was going to whisk me away to the dry dust bowl I call work. I slept in and whilst I appreciate the extra 2 days off, I was looking forward to escaping the situation I've got myself into here. 

Katherine is upset because her grandfather wants to buy her a caravan park in western NSW. I think it is a great idea but she is unsure of his motives. I think she also wants to be closer to the ocean. I think she should just be grateful to him for the leg up. Graham is home as well which is always good. They went for the ultrasound yesterday and have a photo of bub. Very small (12 weeks) and the very wise lisa was correct. No determining the sex until at least 16wks, but as if she would have been heard had she of spoken.

Missing home. Jessica and Dylan are going with dad to talk with the owners of the Australian Hotel in Herberton. They are talking about buying it. I think it would be great. I've already told her I want a job. At least it's about 10degree cooler over there. Don't hate me Darwin- I do love you, but you test my will to stay every year around this time. The horrendous build-up. x